About the Book:
An eminent therapist explains what makes couples compatible and how to sustain a happy marriage.
For the past thirty-five years, John Gottman’s research has been internationally recognized for its unprecedented ability to precisely measure interactive processes in couples and to predict the long-term success or failure of relationships. In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship.
Gottman draws from this longitudinal research and theory to show how emotional attunement can downregulate negative affect, help couples focus on positive traits and memories, and even help prevent domestic violence. He offers a detailed intervention devised to cultivate attunement, thereby helping couples connect, respect, and show affection. Emotional attunement is extended to tackle the subjects of flooding, the story we tell ourselves about our relationship, conflict, personality, changing relationships, and gender. Gottman also explains how to create emotional attunement when it is missing, to lay a foundation that will carry the relationship through difficult times.
Gottman encourages couples to cultivate attunement through awareness, tolerance, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy. These qualities, he argues, inspire confidence in couples, and the sense that despite the inevitable struggles, the relationship is enduring and resilient.
This book, an essential follow-up to his 1999 The Marriage Clinic, offers therapists, students, and researchers detailed intervention for working with couples, and offers couples a roadmap to a stronger future together.
About Robb Gaffney:
Robb Gaffney M.D. began studying the slopes of Squaw Valley when he was in college. He has skied Squaw for more than 25 years and is the author of Squallywood – A Guide to Squaw Valley’s Most Exposed Lines.
The 48-year-old was one of the early faces of Matchstick Productions (his brother Scott helped start the company) and has been a Squaw staple for decades, but now the local psychiatrist has put skiing and life on hold to battle his latest medical hurdle, a rare form of blood cancer. He attended medical school at the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center and went on to serve as Chief Resident at the University of California, Davis.
Why Robb Chose This Book:
When dishonesty seems to prevail, we can protect ourselves from its corrosive force by nurturing trust in our closest relationships. This book highlights the very fundamentals of building trust in our relationships with our partners. But the ideas also reveal why honesty and truth are so critical for the well-being of our community.